Song meaning of Wish I Could Cry by Citizen Soldier & Halocene

"Wish I Could Cry" by Citizen Soldier & Halocene is a powerful and introspective song that delves into the struggles of emotional suppression and the longing for release. The lyrics paint a vivid picture of the internal turmoil experienced by the narrators, Jake Segura and Addie Nicole.

In the first verse, Jake Segura describes the creation of a metaphorical fortress, built to shield himself from the pain and emptiness he feels. He confesses to using self-destructive coping mechanisms, such as trading memories for a constant state of numbness. The line "Sold cyanide for novacaine" suggests that he has willingly chosen to replace genuine emotions with a numbing agent, highlighting the desperation to escape his inner turmoil.

The pre-chorus reveals a realization that avoiding emotions does not lead to healing. Jake acknowledges that he has become a prisoner within his own skin, having thrown away the key to his emotional well-being. He contemplates the idea of falling apart, which paradoxically feels like ecstasy, but acknowledges that the walls he has built around himself were not meant to be broken.

The chorus expresses the deep desire to cry and release the pent-up emotions. Jake longs for the cathartic experience of shedding tears, as it would provide a much-needed outlet for his overwhelming thoughts and feelings. However, he fears that he has forgotten how to cry, having become too adept at suppressing his emotions. The line "Being numb's how I cope with the hell that I've known" reflects the idea that emotional detachment has become a survival mechanism for him.

In the second verse, Addie Nicole shares her own struggles with wearing different masks and being fake in order to replace the panic caused by her past. She reveals that she has become accustomed to feeling frozen and detached, finding safety in emotional numbness rather than engaging in fight or flight responses.

The pre-chorus sung by Addie emphasizes her willingness to endure suffering and agony rather than sacrificing the genuine experiences and emotions that bring her joy. She recognizes that the taste of tender love is worth any sacrifices she may have to make, emphasizing her desire to truly live rather than merely exist.

The bridge brings both Jake and Addie together, expressing their shared feeling of emptiness despite having love in their lives. They confess their fear of remembering and the longing to break down and release their emotions. The repetition of the chorus reinforces their yearning to cry and the suffocating effect of the silence that surrounds them.

Overall, "Wish I Could Cry" is a poignant exploration of the struggle to confront and express emotions, highlighting the detrimental effects of emotional suppression and the longing for release and healing. The song captures the universal desire to find solace in vulnerability and the fear of losing oneself in the process.